Old Fireglass has decided to take you by the hand, mouth and nose, and lead you into the world of that most skilled of artisans, the Head Brewer.
    In the humble opinion of your fat, friendly, real ale guzzling brother, a good quality beer deserves to be taken as seriously as any bottle of vino ever produced. The fruit of the barley takes as much skill to prepare as the fruit of the vine, and I have only admiration for the brewers who strive to bring us the very best in both quality and variety.
    An array of malts and hops gives us that wonderful beery flavour that we all know and love, but let's get beneath the surface and explore the explosion of tastes produced by fermentation. Yeast turns sugars into alcohol, producing esters. Esters are volatile oils associated with flavours and, just like a female's perfume, they lure you to the next bit of body. In ales of low gravity, esters may not be evident, and the taste is hoppy. The fruitiness derives from the hops, manifesting itself in many different ways, often tasting of bananas, pear drops or even gooseberries. Crystal and amber malts have a pleasing nut character (just like yours truly), while dark and black malts often smell and taste of coffee, chocolate or liquorice.
    I would like to encourage you not only to use your tongue but to refine your nose as well. Treat your next pint of real ale as if it were a beautiful female you have just met. Handle it gently, savour its taste, smell its perfume, and warm it up. As beer is kept at a temperature of 558F/128C, the warming process is imperative. The aromas are released as the ale gets hotter. Take a good gulp, swirl it lovingly around the glass (just as you would a good wine or a gorgeous girl on the dance floor), take a good sniff so that the malt and hop flavours will be joined by the aromas of fermentation. Take some of this sensuous liquid into your mouth and slowly let it slip over the tongue. Taste the sweetness on the front, the sour and saltiness in the middle, and the bitterness at the back - and take in its wonderful after-taste (its 'finish'), and it will be as pleasing to your palate as Aphrodite is to the eye.
    Dryness is usually associated with hops, but this is not the case; it actually derives from the malt. Happiness derives from knowing what to look, taste and smell for, but if your little piranha thinks you're having an affair with your pint pot, Old Fireglass is more than willing to take the blame as sacrifices must be made in my work of turning you into those ale-loving connoisseurs you have always wanted to be.
    A note on terms I sometimes use. O.G means Original Gravity, and is a measure of fermentable sugars present. A.B.V means Alcohol By Volume (and for tax purposes this has replaced O.G) : simply the measure of alcohol in the finished product.
    Well I hope all this helps you to enjoy our islands' magnificent brews the more. And to all those wine connoisseurs who still look down on ale, remember our noses and palates are as refined as yours. Whether it be grape or grain, immense skill is involved in its manufacture and, on occasion, as great a skill is required in the imbibing. It's there for the tasting.